Why do people avoid coaches?

A few weeks ago, Thomas wrote a post about the untapped potential of coach travel.

The next day, I dropped him an email pointing out that most people simply hate coaches.

Now, I admit that I’ve never taken a Snap or any high-end coach. Mostly rail replacement coaches, and the occasional ski trip ride, with an utterly miserable London to Manchester thrown in for good measure, when Virgin switched to closing the gates 1 minute before departure without warning.

So my experience of coach travel may not be complete - but it is probably typical.

As a result of our subsequent email exchange, Thomas invited me to write up a guest post for Freewheeling on why I hate coaches so much (and what should be done about it).

Here it is…

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Why do people avoid coaches?

The Uncertainty

Intermediate or suburban bus stops often do not even have a sign, at a plaza or other agency’s bus stop, or on app or internet instructions. For first time users, this is a major uncertainty – public transport needs to be reassuring and safe.

Suburban bus stops may have poor or non-existent local public transport service, making them inaccessible for many unless they can get a ride, or access a ride share service.

The uncertainty of the bus taking a diversion and going to a different destination in the other direction, not helped by the stops in the literal middle of nowhere.

The uncertainty of some other passenger taking your luggage from the under storage at an intermediate stop - yes this happened to me and it was a total hassle.

The uncertainty of the person in front immediately going into full reclination for the duration of the trip (but even airliners and trains have this public space issue).

And THE constant SWAYING and then no movement at all

The coach’s constant swaying motion, and the high G forces on turns. Not a regular or smooth motion like a train’s.

The rest stops that always seem too long, and the fact that many passengers are reeking nicotine addicts.

Everyone looking at you when you board because they're so bored, and the intimidating looks preventing you from getting up and changing seats as everyone stares at you even harder. “What’s going on in that row that he has to move?” they wonder, obviously with nothing better to do.

The getting stuck in traffic, worse than if you could drive yourself, because the coach is so big and slow.

The Dread of the View

The horror of watching being stuck in traffic and having no say in where the bus goes or even the ability to get off. With the knowledge that this utter waste of time in traffic wouldn’t be happening in a train.

The unavoidable, fixating distraction of watching the road, the scenery of clogged streets, suburbs, and motorways, especially when you sit at the front so you feel less claustrophobic. Concrete and asphalt everywhere.

The hideous design choices

The weird, narrow twisting stairs to get in and out, the single narrow doorway, claustrophobic seating, the aisle narrower than any luggage bag, the low overhead racks, the cramped seats, the ‘in a cramped aircraft but never leaving the ground feeling’.

The dark seating, or vomit coloured moquette, the dark flooring and wall covering, because why not? Bonus if the wall covering matches the moquette for that smothered feeling.

The low overhead racks, the cramped seats.

The Vomit Moquette. [image: Mark Norman Francis]

The overall impression of a beer soaked, third rate casino. Is there anything more depressing?

Darkened windows that make the sunniest day dismal add to the misery. You half expect Morrisey to be on board, soaking up the ambience and being sufficiently inspired to write an entire album.

The lack of any table sufficiently big to allow working on a laptop. The WiFi and power plugs that rarely work. Reading lights that sometimes work.

The usually stinking, totally cramped bathroom that has none of the inventiveness or style of an airliner bathroom.  

Not all coaches

Not all coaches have all of these aspects, but in my experience they have quite a few, which makes the ride often dismal. I don't hate coaches, but only take them if I have no alternative. They have serious design deficiencies. A lot can be done to improve on them, and take the road back to joyous travel.

This is a purported luxury coach – looks to me like an alien’s cocoon about to harvest our bodies.

That school buses are much more pleasant and cheerful, even though they are much less comfortable and less safe has seemingly never occurred to coach designers or operators.

What we want is Sex Appeal - bring the sexy back!

Trains and trams are sexy, bright, large windowed, and fast. Coaches are none of these. Except for those San Francisco tech worker commuter coaches, with tables for working, cool seats, good WiFi and power plugs, great furnishings, and most of all bright and airy.

This is much brighter and cheerful interior, courtesy of Mercedes-Benz, but it still needs individual curtains or blinds

City buses might not be sexy, but they are inviting and bright, with lots of window area.

Design suggestions

Use light aisle flooring or carpeting, so it’s easy to see. Widen the aisle a bit.

Pick non-sombre moquette and wall covering. Used drop-down overhead luggage compartments for easier loading and unloading, and more head space. Individual blinds or curtains for each seat - to avoid friction and potential confrontation.

Procure thinner but just as comfortable seats, for more leg-room. With bigger fold-down tables for space for devices, food, and a drink. And a mobile holder on the back of each seat, for viewing, and to keep out of the way but readily handy. Plus a foldaway drink holder too.

Install an easy to reach power outlet and USB port in the back of each seat next to each device holder. Plus working high-speed WiFi.

Design a bathroom that cleans itself after each use, and doesn’t feel like a Port-a-Potty.

What about a skylight the length of the aisle, so we can look at the stars at night instead of the motorway? With auto-darkening or shades so we don’t roast in the sun.

On board amenities

Coach operators could partner with infotainment, catering, and loyalty program providers to allow passengers to view content and buy snacks, headphones, and beverages while on buses. Convenience is key.

Ideally each seat will have its own screen, airliner style, for personalised viewing choices. Given many coach riders may not be able to afford a streaming service, this would be a delight.

As well, screens above the aisle to indicate the next stops, accurate times, and route.

Bonus for a screen of the immediate area of the next stop, showing where to take local public transport, shops nearby, up to the minute information on when the next transferring bus arrives and is due to depart.

How convenient would it be to be able to purchase a meal, a coffee, an attraction or city public transport pass when boarding? Where to put such products for sale where space is utilised for seats and luggage is a question for coach designers. Possibly sold from the luggage compartments under the vehicle by the driver, or from hot beverage, cold beverage, food, and pass machines in the hold. There always seems to be unused space down there. Passes could be downloaded instantaneously, or available to pick up upon arrival.

Information, entertainment, drinks and food options would bring coaches should be designed more like closer to trains’ amenities. That’s the sweet spot.

Where coaches might be heading? The Willer Express coach line in Japan

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Long Branch Mike is writer and editor at LondonReconnections.com